We all experience fear, anger, hatred or some other form of negative emotion in varied intensity at certain stages of our lives.
Most of us find it challenging to stay away from these emotions and sometimes, it may seem like the more we “try” to get out of it, the more we find ourselves falling down the negative spiral. In the end, frustrated and helpless, we give up and some even end up living their lives in delusion, dwelling in negativity.
These negative emotions, like stress and anxiety, affects us not only on an emotional level but is also often tagged along with disheartening consequences like sour relationships, poor academic results and on worst cases, causing an individual to become socially inept.
How to manage your emotions?
While some of us turn to mentors or family members for support, and others seek professional help or attend life-changing school holiday programmes, we must first understand that these emotions, ultimately, come from you and the first step to conquering these negative emotions begins with believing that you can.
Here are 3 negative emotions and stress management tips to get you going and start feeling better:
• Accept that All Emotions are Good
Yes, all emotions are good emotions! It is up to you to use these emotions and make the situation better. Here’s an example: You were laughed at by a class bully because he scored better in the class test. You feel lousy and upset at that moment. But does that mean that you will have to stay negative and will never be able to do well?
In fact, you can turn this into an opportunity to use this lousy feeling as a form of motivation! Turn it into positive energy and feed your hunger for success – start being more proactive in your studies, seek help from your teachers when you don’t understand and use it to motivate yourself whenever you feel lazy.
When you exercise, Endorphins (also known as the ‘Happy Hormones’) are produced and Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) level increases in your body. Most of us know about Endorphins and its amazing effect of simply making us feel happy. But not many are aware of the BDNF protein that also produced when we engage in intensive physical activities.
There are countless studies done over the last decades showing the benefits of BDNF not just in the primary role of cognitive learning and inducing growth of new neurons (neurogenesis) but also crucial in combating recurrent depression and other stress related disorder.
• Ask the Right Questions
Asking the right questions will lead to solutions while the wrong ones lead to stress and more negativity. As we were taught how to use the 5W1H (Why , Who , Where , When , What, How ) to write our compositions in schools, little did we know that it is also useful in solving problems related to negative emotions. Out of the 6 kind of questions you ask yourselves using 5W1H, the “WHY” is usually focused on the problem while the remaining questions are more solution focused. When you feel negative, you want focus on solutions, not problems.
Here are some useful questions:
· Why am I feeling angry?
· Why is he scolding me?
· Why did I fail the exams?
· Who can I seek help from?
· Who should I talk to ?
· Who can guide me?
· What resources do it need to feel better?
· What can I do differently?
· What are the options?
· What makes me feel good?
· Where are the places I can feel positive?
· Where can I feel differently?
· Where can I get new perspectives?
· When is a good time to feel good?
· When can I get my new resource?
· When is a good time to talk to a friend?
· How can I feel better?
· How can I get the new resource?
· How can I get improve the next time?
Keep in mind that you have ultimate control over your feelings and that these feelings, positive or negative, are just temporary. Regardless of where you are in life, know that it is all about choosing the right words, being in control of your actions and you will find that you are indeed the master of your own emotions.
Choo Yuan Yee,
Lead Trainer (I Am Gifted!TM Programmes)